24 October, 2009

Neverwhere

Cotton swept over the rolling hills
while I slept. the cool breeze
sounds of memories
and whispering trees
bring me back
And I go on with fear
from some distant neverwhere
to here
I read and see the whole world crying
howling like a wolf in the summertime
the dead and dying
sick and injured. I open my eyes
can't stop crying
And I hate that others are ignoring me
living in delusional fantasies
but find that I've been abhoring thee
too
These little things they help they aid
and grow as people in essence, to trade
technology for humanity
agony and ecstacy stead of insanity
the path unknown, chaos most times
but have to believe that we will find
and hope and leave the past behind

Create a new world with joy to find
and not abused and neglected minds
But freedom and community
Re-realization of unity
From out of the ashes from out of the dust
reborn from the heart, reawakened with love
And not some dream or mental task
to be envisioned from the past
But wholly realized fully new
Original thoughts are in there too

Let's leave this neverwhere behind
there's heaven here on earth to find

17 October, 2009

Memory

Quietly, the wind whispered through the trees.
The warm, bright sun made patterns there in the shade as we sat.
Me and Emily
We looked at the patterns and watched them ebb and flow.
The great oak tree we sat below.
Talking.
Laughing.
Me and my love.
And the day went by.
Laying side by side
Breathing the fresh early autumn air.
Feeling the silt and sand
with our bare feet
underneath
At times, a plane would pass overhead.
And then a.
And we would wonder about it.
And dream.
The day felt like it could go on indefinitely.
Beautifully. Tragically.
That night, staring off into the night sky
Watching the passing cars pass on by
and our minds
Building, dreaming, weaving a web
We kissed goodnight
And went to sleep
side by side

I dreamt that night
that there was a pyramid to be made
bricks to be laid
but as time raced, my heart paced
i felt so hopeless there, in that state
i awoke in a cold sweat
reassuring my love, my dear
my sweet emily, with fraughtful face that there was nothing to fear
kissing her gently on her cheek
i tell her i'm sorry, but i have to leave
grab my cereal bar, briefcase, too
she pats me on the head as i walk out the door
hands me my coffee, says i'll see you at four
she sees me nervous, says
don't worry, dear, everything will be fine
smiling, gently, reassuring
everything is perfect
i wave goodbye

But of course all I ruminate in my mind
is how i'm sure nothing will work out this time
my watch has stopped ticking
A black cat crosses my path
and I try to lie with a big stupid smile
but the feeling inside
tells me it's all a lie

It was not so long ago
that we found eachother, you know
And though I found her pretty
I never could see
what someone like her
would ever see in me

Her poetry was smooth
and deep as the ocean
Our first dates I was clumsily
going through the motions
From advice to worse inaction
Addictive dependencies
Unknown infractions
And yet somehow, someway, she stayed, she believed
always convinced i deserved to be leaved

Now all I can think of are ways i could mess up
and off the cuff
i fully resign
when i see her
to leave everything behind

I lie and I say I can't come home tonight
there's too much pressure, too much fright
maybe we'll be apart for awhile
she starts to cry, i tell her to smile
she's overwhelmed and confused
though i can't tell her the truth
so i hang up
the phone
tell myself she's better off alone

As I drive off, with no goal in mind
perhaps to go to a motel
perhaps looking to find
something
and
i see a sign
"enlightenment this way"
"come anytime, night or day"
so i go, i find a man and i pay
and he instructs me
to sit
in a cave

and i sit
waiting
day after day
for something to find me
to come my way
but all i can feel
though i try to suppress
is the memory of the girl
and the feel of her breath
day after day
there's nothing else left

11 October, 2009

Hyperreal Dreams

Ring ring it wakes you up
The telephone,
you thought you were alone
but the telephone is phoning home
you wake up, hearing you are dreaming
crusty eyes, everything seeming
not quite right
no land of dreams
nothing is quite as it seems
the dreamer falls asleep to waking life
and all this myriad toil and strife
he leaves this day for endless night
and in the darkness, hallucinates sight
and wonders am I awake
or just half baked
and blinking
thinking
am I a butterfly today
when will my problems fly away
but nothings quite just as it seems
in this land, of hyperreal dreams
problem is, my friend, my mate
we do not know we're not awake
ring ring the phone again
beckoning you to dive back in
to return once more to slumber land
where little boys are full grown mans
where you don't have to wonder, son
just wait and watch, enjoy the fun
Now you say it's all confused
Not knowing you are being used
And someone's laughing, of course: it's funny
Pretending life is fueled by money
Ring Ring stop this dream right now
for the real world is burning down

05 October, 2009

Childhood

Childhood, when I remember it, is not some idyllic time, and it's not some time where I was dumb or unaware of what was going on around me. The myth that childhood is some idyllic time really pervades our culture, from the way we talk to kids to the way we have these distinctions which aren't really accurate.

As a "kid" adults who talked down to me or forced me to do stuff I hated. As an adult it's something I hate even more.

In some ways, I remember some things being simpler, sure, some things I didn't have to worry about, like where I was going to sleep, bills, but you had homework, bullies, the drudgery of schoolwork, crazy friends, teachers, et cetera. Really, not that much changes.

There is a change, which can be positive or negative of becoming more aware. For me, I became more aware of gender roles, and some awareness was not so negative, but for example when I found out masturbation was wrong, I felt really really bad, and I don't think that's the kind of learning that is beneficial. Growing up can lead one to responsibility, but it can also make one feel really guilty about just about everything and can lead to a loss of vitality of life and just an air of suppressive conformity, instead of seeing that the world can still be fun, we can still be ourselves when we are an adult and that deep down we all have the answers or we all don't have the answers.

I'm reminded of pennilesscripple's Rage video yet again, especially the part about how we are not allowed to be who we are and not allowed to truly be in the world and be a part of it. The line it's like we have to perform really struck a chord for me.



And I think we really have to learn from this, because children can teach us things we have forgotten but they also need to be taught. And not lectured to or made to feel guilty or wrong about everything, but taking part in the cause and effect of their actions. Because what we don't need is to continue to make a world that people are afraid of, feel guilty about or feel hopeless about.

02 October, 2009

Live in Death

Let's burn away the night
the mourning
and the flight
for better days
I ask you, stay
The last breath tastes so fresh
just like the first
Death, it means a time to return
rebirth
A call for things remembered
things rendered
some forgotten
don't fear the rotten
we are here
it's time to come home now, dear
that much
is clear
Another journey
of love
Another mission
my dove
I don't want to leave
or be bereaved
either
but
Our time is short
we burn with fever
To live fully in death
and breathe the ether
and feel the warm sun,
live 'til nothing's left
That's what it means
to truly live in death
is to be fully alive
and never regret

01 October, 2009

Breeze

it's easy to be
like a tree
standing tall
and tough
for all to see

but to flow
with the breeze
inbetween
the leaves
and endure
the endlessly
shifting seas
that's a trick, magician
that's not so easy,

its simply not so easy

what if i would sail away
on currents, on days that are warm
to find distant shores

and be reborn

what if i would find a cave
a warm, protective, holy enclave
and wait and wish

to be saved

When the clouds and storms approach
the stars are covered
Slowly it will encroach
Like long lost lovers

sensing something new, yet familiar the same
reaching my hand out, the first drops of rain
came

And for days and days
it would just pour
rain

Then after this fall
and a long dark lull
when i'd sit and just say
how i wish to fly away
on breezes, on wind, to, simply, change
to endure, to bend, to flow with the wind
to live a life that living fits in

And try as I do to fix all I knew
the new world is colored with unforseen hues
Perhaps I can't fix or change or rearrange
the varicose veins on this page
but just let everything old
simply slip away
know that i'm no hero
no savior of days
and look to higher grace
to shift the sands away

to flow
with the breeze
inbetween
the leaves
and endure
the endlessly
shifting seas