15 February, 2017

Be kind

I am not always kind to myself and amid expectations of doing an unrealistic daily journal amidst a busy schedule, it seemed destined that I would fail and hate myself.

I spend most days tired, fuzzy in the head, dissociated and depressed. I try to keep unrealistic expectations that I will go to school, volunteer and live on a meager income, all while alone and eating nothing but a bag of $2 potatoes(over the course of a week) and little else.

Yesterday, I ate again two bananas, then nothing until after I ran, donated blood, went for groceries, went to group and volunteereed at the food bank. I have been taking turmeric and ginseng and feeling better but fail to really do much to address realities. Of course there are complexities and my depression meds are worse than useless, and it is a hard hole to even want to come out of, but being unkind certainly does not help, especially going on an average of 6 hours of sleep.

I do not think I will learn much doing these every day, and though I am upset I am braking a promise, being too hard will not help- in fact it shows I need to step back, breathe and be kind and allow mistakes.

Anyway, thats all.

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