12 February, 2017

I've Been Bad

I was going to be posting these every day, but real life, ennui and inertia got in the way. I'm not terribly overbusy, just. . .

OK, so let's just get on with the show and our boring tabulation of minutae.
Yesterday, Saturday, we did not have school. I could not sleep well, got maybe 4 or 5 hours of sleep and although I woke up, unable to process information, I couldn't easily get back to sleep(not without heavy medication, I'm betting) so i stayed up, watched some videos on philosophy, wasted time and made art until it was a reasonable enough time to go out.

I think I ate a few bananas and had some coffee. I remember I thought I was eating too much and was worreid so I did not want to eat too much. This would bite me later.

I ran and coming back, was really tired, both from the run and from the cold and from the coldness of the trailer that is still broken and I'm too depressed to do anything about. I thought about going hiking but was terribly tired. Instead, I went for a drive to pick up more cold medicine and called my parents and came back.

I did some artwork for a few hours and watched a movie and needed a break from the schoolwork, but I am really not sure where the day went, which is always a bit frustrating. I am writing this on Sunday, when I've gotten a bit more sleep and overate a bit too much, having cereal both last night as a snack and this morning, and having bought household goods and volunteered at the nature center and been a little more productive, but it is ok to have down days, too. I am guessing pushing yourself so much, limiting food and being cold all the time isn't good for things like that. To tell the truth, I know this, but don't really see much hope of things ever getting better.

I am decreasing the pristiq very slowly. Only two pills this coming week. They were just making me more depressed and dissociative. I can feel some good and some bad coming with getting off of them, but overall, I need to get off of them. It seems that I do not see much hope except for pushing and pushing and I am so very tired.

That's enough writing for now.

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