01 March, 2017

Life

I have not written much, both due to life and intermittent internet. Putting a blog out every day is overwhelming, so I've had to back down from that.
I've been pretty busy with school and volunteer work, and I think that writing the blog was helpful, in realising just how lonely and exhausting my life is despite not really having  alot of work. I've been getting up at 2 am most days, after sleeping about 5 hours, wasting time, usually with art and or watching videos until I can go running and mostly trying to fill the day.
I am torn right now as to what to do in vet medicine. Anesthesia scares me because of the risks. I am very scatterbrained and dont pay attention well. I don't want to mess anything up. I feel like the best thing I can do quite often is nothing. You might think that is low self esteem, but it is just a reality of being depressed and unable to function well.
Most days follow a schedule. I am so tired of it, it seems so pointless.
I'm just so tired, emotionally, physically. Wish i could get more sleep or feel at peace for a few seconds.
I just don't know.

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